Chicked

Sunday was the annual Oregon Roadrunners Club awards banquet.  Surprising no one, Melissa won several awards, including Runner of the Year.  Melissa is a fast runner.  She might deny it, or point out that she's no elite and that lots of women are faster than her. But let's face it: in a club full of runners, if you win more often than anyone else, you must be pretty fast.



Awards, schmawards...

So first, obviously, congratulations to her.  She's pretty humble about it, but I think it's damn awesome.  That said, I'm not here to talk her up--she doesn't need it and I know she doesn't run to get recognized.  Her award did remind me, though, of something I've been meaning to post about for a while.

My wife is a fast runner, as I said.  She's quite a bit faster than me and has been for a long time.  (The last time I beat her was in a 2009 race--and I was ahead at the end by only by two seconds!  I think she had the flu or something...)  But comparing her speed to mine is a little silly.  Sure, compared to the average Joe off the couch or the weekend warrior who runs the occasional 5K, I run at a decent speed.  The reality is that are a lot of guys out there who are a lot faster than me and if a few of them show up for a race I'm not going to win a damn thing.  The point is, I don't consider myself fast.

However, people will still inevitably ask, "doesn't it bother you that your wife is faster?"  They might even assume I'm joking at first.  Then when I explain how often she places in the top five or that she qualified for Boston, that's when they start worrying about my ego.  One friend actually told me he "couldn't handle it" if his wife were faster--and he said it with an air of sincerity.  I'm not quite sure what that means he would do.  Would he just quit running altogether and pursue a truly manly hobby  ("let's see you grow a beard this luxurious, Wife!")?  Would he jump off a bridge in despair, hoping he was as poor a swimmer as he imagined himself to be a runner (let's hope he wasn't rescued by a female firefighter)? 

I think for some men it might be similar to having a wife who earns more money, or has a higher-status job than they do. People always talk about the fragile male ego, and this kind of thing does make me wonder.  How often do other men speed up just so they pass a woman?  Do they feel inadequate when a woman finishes before they do?

I really don't know, because it doesn't bother me at all.  My wife is her own runner and so am I--I don't run to keep up with her.  It's odd, because it seems to me that most runners to respect the individual ability of other runners.  In my experience, once you get out there on a regular basis, especially if you enter races fairly often, you start to leave your ego at home.  I've been beaten by a 10-year-old girl and a 70-year-old man.  I've also finished ahead of plenty of men younger and slimmer than me--but I don't really think about it.  Yet you hear about guys not wanting to "get chicked" (or even "wifed"), which is apparently a common enough event in long distance races. 

At the end of a race, the only thing that matters to me is giving it everything I have.  Man or woman, if I'm close to another runner near the finish, I'm going to dig deep because I am at least a little competitive.  I can't imagine finding some hidden sexist reserve of energy that would propel me that much faster.  So to imagine that I'd be bothered by my wife finishing...ahem...four or five minutes ahead of me in a 10K, well, it's just silly.  I'm happy for her, just as I know she's happy for me when I do well.

Plus, when I'm running behind her when she's wearing her running tights...well...nevermind.

Confessions of a Two-Timer

Don't let the title get you wondering. I mean, yes, I am totally two-timing, right now. AGAIN. And, honestly, it's a little hard serving two masters. Sometimes, there is a bit of symbiotic relationship to love two at the same time, right? Some things are even better together---like Paul Newman and this Pinot Noir. I love Paul Newman, and I love wine, so it's a three-some made in heaven. Seriously, it is. Please don't question my devotion to Paul Newman or my absolute love for fermented red grapes, it's a futile agrument. This one works. Well.

But, I wasn't really thinking about that kind of two-timing. No. Back in the summer, I was two-timing for the first time. I was training hard (so hard) for my first marathon (survived it in October), while at the same time staying steady with training for two 10Ks for the ORRC 10K Series. Most of the time, running is just running. You run. You run some more. You do long runs, tempo runs, hills, intervals. Usually, for 10K training, I run faster, shorter intervals than what would normally be called for in my marathon training plan. So, what is a runner to do?? Well, I just stuck with the marathon training plan, and hoped nothing bad would happen to my 10K race times. The training didn't have to change too much...until....I had a 10K race which required scaling back and tapering so I could run on "somewhat" fresh legs. But, I still had to get my mileage and training in for the marathon. I had to TWO running programs that I felt like I HAD to do! What to do??








These two guys helped to push me to my PR in September.
But, so did the two-timer training!

For the first 10K, I decided to do my "long run" on a Wednesday before work, 18 miles with 9 mile runs on both Tuesday and Thursday so that I could to rest my legs before a 10K on Monday(labor day). Truth be told, my legs were super tired for that 10K. I'd already run 45 miles that week BEFORE I ran another 6.2. So, I had to be smarter about my" two-timing" the next time. In September, I ran some extra miles at the beginning of the week, tapered back before the race, and saved the long run for AFTER the race. I ran my heart out---faster and stronger than ever, and got a PR. BUT, I had to run 16 miles the next day. My training journal says, "tough on tired legs." The race was better, the long run wasn't. But, that's how I guess it goes with two-timing.

Maybe like most two-timers, I have realized that I can't really give my complete love and attention to both, but I can play it smart and get something out of having the experience of both. On that note, I'm back at the two-timing game. Hagg Lake 25K in February, Champoeg 10K in March and Vernonia Marathon in April...then two more 10Ks in May. The game goes on!

Please don't judge me. The 10Ks know all about the marathons, and the half-marathons, even the trail racing I am doing, too. They are completely ok with it. I guess it's one of those "open" running relationships. :)

Caught in the Crosswalk not the Crossfire

This morning, I went for my usual Sunday 6 mile run. Sunday runs are quiet, slow, and usually a time for reflection about whatever is on my mind. It was a little bit slippery but the blue sky and the shining sun made up for any initial shivers.



Something has been on my mind. With

United Nations Disarmament Statue. UN Headquarters, NYC.

the shootings in Connecticut and being a mother of children who are in the age-range of the children who were brutally and senselessly murdered, thoughts about guns and schools have been weighing heavily on me. Those little faces have been on my mind. I don't want to get into too much talk about gun control---really, own one if you want. This I know, I ABSOLUTELY do not want armed guards at my children's school. I don't want to teach my kids that they need to live in fear and that they need to be protected by firearms against the terrible people of the world. I don't want to live in a police-state where every place we go there is someone standing ready to shoot someone else. Ugh, it's like a bad action movie. I've told my children that we don't own a gun because we don't want to shoot anyone. I'd rather think that I don't wish ill will toward anyone.


In fact just the other day, a friend of mine pointed out, "I thought you were 'Life is awesome Melissa?"' Yes, well, I try to be positive, but it wasn't always this way. Maybe it was working in the service industry in my early years (Taco Bell Cashier, Hostess at a Restaurant in the Airport!) that made me think that people were selfish, cheap, dirty, jerk-faces lacking any sense of manners or ability to treat the people serving them with human dignity. My dad used to say, "maybe working with 'the public' isn't for you??" Indeed, a nice job in the college library was more up my alley.


Nowadays, usually I find it pointless to dwell on the negative. Usually, I think that you have to look for the silver lining when you can because otherwise you can drown so easily in the bad things around you. But, that doesn't necessarily come naturally to me. Those jerks in the world can suck you in, and it's hard not to fall into the "hate-them-back" trap. My feelings about the lowness of humanity can come back even when I least expect it.

Like today.

I was waiting for the "WALK" signal at an intersection. After a few close calls with drivers, I am pretty cautious. So, today, I was on the right side of the road, and noted that there was a car waiting to turn LEFT (which would cross over the crosswalk I would soon be entering). His signal was a YIELD to oncoming traffic. I was oncoming "traffic." The light changed and I waited a moment to make sure this gent was going to YIELD to me. He didn't make a move, so I jumped off the curb and set off running in the crosswalk. I was about 1/3 of the way across AND, then, I saw him headed straight for me. I screamed, "Oh, shit!" put up my hands, and turned quickly to run back to the side where I was. He slowed down, BUT instead of letting me go, he drove right on through. It was my right-of-way. MINE! Adrenaline took over and I yelled a litany of profanities that would make a sailor blush. I was jumping up and down, flipping the bird. Beyond pissed.

My heart is racing just typing this story. Bastard. Mother-F*%ker!! What did he think he was doing? What a huge jerk!

And, it took me about a mile to think about what my friend had said to me. I'm the "silver-lining" person, right? What could I pull from this experience?  I really, really, wanted to think that guy was an asshole who didn't deserve to be driving. He should have his driver's licence revoked. Too bad, I was too busy yelling to notice his licence plate number. I am glad that I was paying attention and not blindly just running through since most of the time, I don't trust drivers to notice me. I didn't really trust this guy either, and that's probably why things worked out ok. I am not going to make excuses for this guy. HE WAS WRONG. But, I thought maybe his mind was elsewhere while he was driving and he didn't see me (obviously). Shoot, maybe his wife left him, or he was late for work, or his dog died?? Dang, sounds like a country song, but really, I am glad that one of us was paying attention. Me hating this guy probably won't make me feel any better.

Deep breaths. It's ok.

Even at the height of my emotional response to potentially getting run over, I didn't want to shoot that guy. Well, I kind of wanted to punch him for just a second. Does that make me a bad person?? Maybe. Thoughts aren't actions. I'd love to be one of those awesome Buddhist types who doesn't even consider retaliation and only looks to love that person who has done them wrong.  <HUGS>. Um, no, if threatened directly without any true means of peaceful escape, I would most certainly try to fight back. However, I'm pretty unlikely to throw the "first punch." Yes, I got mad at that guy today, but I'm not going to keep on getting mad at him. I'm not going to be afraid to run through crosswalks just because there are people out driving like this guy. We can only control our own actions and reactions to a situation.

That's the message I want to teach my children. I feel like I would do more damage teaching them to be afraid. I don't want my kids to feel like someone is going to come into their school to shoot them. That's the only reason why there would be an armed guard outside their classrooms to protect them. So, let's not make children more laden with anxiety and tension. I'd rather teach them an awareness about people who should be avoided, and how to show acceptance whenever possible to others--even those mean peers. Kill them with kindness? Yes, I think so.

Not Sweating the Small (or Big) Stuff

At the beginning of the year I set some, what I thought were, fairly lofty running related goals for the race distances that I generally run. At that time, I hadn't even considered running a marathon. That idea didn't hatch until March. In truth, the marathon training probably was a huge asset to me recently reaching some of my targets.

I wouldn't even call them "goals" as such. It was more of questioning what I was capable of doing racing-wise in 2012.

In January I wrote: "Can I run under 21 in the 5K, under 43 in the 10K, under 1:35 in the Half-Marathon??"

It took almost to the end of this year to reach 2/3 of those time related goals. 5K PR on 11/22 of 20:41; 10K PR on 9/23 of 42:24. I haven't run under 1:35 in the half-marathon distance yet. Heck, I haven't run under 1:37. But with the Holiday Half coming up next week I will have my last chance to see what this body is capable of.

And, speaking of bodies. Mine has been a little different.

I was out running today before lunch. It was so nice out. Perfect temperature, slight breeze, the sun peeking out behind a handful of big billowy clouds.

I run with my iPod clipped to the strap of my sport's bra. It's been a great place for it until today. My iPod would not stay clipped to the bra. It just kept falling off. I tried to figure what the problem was and well, it became obvious to me pretty quickly. My "girls" were bouncing so much that the iPod was knocked off of the strap. Why? Well, I think my boobs are bigger than they've been. I know, I know TMI, Melissa, but really. Just gaining a little extra weight since the marathon has made me bigger...umm, everywhere, but most noticeably today, it was this area.

I don't really care too much, but the extra bounciness making my iPod fall off and down my shirt three times had me ready to chuck the fricken thing into the bushes. If you can't beat 'em, join 'em! My iPod became friends with my rack. I shoved that little thing in the bra and kept going. Worked fine. I'm not sure if it would work for a longer run. Today was an easy 5 miles, but I can imagine  that a 2 hour run would leave that little metal object impaled in my skin.

So, I guess I should...work off the post-marathon weight gain. Let's face it, I'm not running 50 or 60 miles a week, now. The little handful of Peanut M&M's or more drizzles of bleu cheese dressing on my salad adds up, now. I don't want to be obsessive. There's no way I'm going to weigh and measure my food. Nope. Just eat less. Lift weights more. Drink a little less wine. No problem.

So...what is the post about?? Well, it's just been more of mind dump today, but really I think it's about NOT obsessing. I am not obsessing about the race next week. AND, I'm not obsessing about my body. Whenever I put pressure on myself to run a certain time at a race, I don't do as well. Instead, I am not worrying about it, and I'm singing "Que Sera, Sera. What ever will be, will be..." La, la, la.

Epiphany

Yesterday morning, Scott and I hit the trail for a run that lasted little over 2 hours. While I was out there, running on tired, achy legs in the pouring rain, I came to realize why people run ultra marathons.

Ultra Marathons?? Yes, that's a race that is more than the typical marathon distance of 26.2 miles.  So, it might be anything from 50K (31 miles) to 100 miles or more. I guess I always figured that people who do 50-mile or 100-mile races must really love running. I mean, you'd have to really love something to do it for 6, 10 or even 24 hours, right? What about those people who vie for a spot to run the Badwater UltraMarathon? Holy cow, that's 135 miles through Death Valley during July with an elevation gain of 13,000 feet. That's just insane!

The mere thought of running the Badwater race, makes me cringe. Um, no, thank you. I mean, obviously, my hat is off to those crazy motherfuckers, er, I mean utterly elite, tough, and strong-willed athletes. I'm totally in awe of those folks. Personally, I can't imagine taking on such a challenge. You would have to have a passion for running that extends beyond the limits of most everyday runners. I am an everyday runner, and I don't have any desire to run more than say 3 or 4 hours. Period.

My very pedestrian runner self has read a little bit about ultra running. I've picked up Born to Run, and various articles in running magazines. I have wondered about the motivation and will that drives these people to run that long and far, and I always figured that there was something special about the people. But, yesterday, I came to a different realization about it. It is not only the superiority of the people who run almost endlessly. There is more to it.

First of all, I have noticed that most ultra marathon races are run on trails.  Coincidence? Doubtful.

Hagg Lake Trail 25K 2012

I have run a couple of trail races. Last year, I ran the Hagg Lake Trail Run 25K. Compared to any road race I've ever completed, this race can officially be put into the "Adventure" category. The race is affectionately called, "The Mud Run." And, that's no joke. I ran two training runs out there last year, but the muddiest day by far was race day. It was so slippery and wet, it was almost comical. I fell down at least 6 times, and so did everyone else. I was slipping so much going UPHILL that the woman behind me help give me a little "push" on my behind. I'm usually not too keen on the idea of someone touching my ass, but was very thankful to her for that shove. Thanks, Lady.

Sometimes, you need a push in the butt. Seriously.

I want to run more trail races. Running on a trail is different from running on a paved road or path in a lot of ways. Some would argue that trail running and road running are practically different sports. Maybe?  I have excuses for not finding the trails more during my runs.  The biggest is that I'd have to drive to the trail.  I already feel the time squeeze for getting my runs done.  But, I think that if you want to do something bad enough, you will find a way.  No excuses. What better way to force myself to run on trails (at least on the weekends) than to sign up for a trail race?   Hagg Lake Trail Race 25K here I come, AGAIN! This year, Scott is joining me for some muddy tromping.
 
Our official trail training started yesterday, when Scott and I took ourselves out to the Wildwood Trail in Forest Park. The trailhead where we started was pretty flat and fairly smooth. The steeper hills and switchbacks came along after a few miles. It was raining lightly and we loped along, noticing our already tired legs, discussing how we probably shouldn't have stayed out so late the night before. We ran in unison for the first few miles, but, at some point I realized that Scott wasn't right behind me anymore.

Then, it started raining harder. I mean, it was pouring so much that rain seemed to be coming down in sheets. I absolutely loved the giant onslaught of rain. It was perfect. All that rain made the trail "juicy." There were puddles, and squishy muddy spots that I had to navigate around. A few times, I just ran right through the puddles because it was easier than trying to quickly find a place to put my foot. On the trail, I have to be much more alert and careful. Rocks, holes, and tree roots are not my friends.

Scott running yesterday on the Wildwood Trail

The rain slowed to a light drizzle, and I was struck by the beauty of forest. A foggy mist had sunk into the valley of trees along the trail. The leaves that were left on the trees were mostly yellow, brown and rusty orange. Those colors against the backdrop of the green Douglas Fir and Western Red Cedar trees was breathtaking. The sounds of the rustling trees, rain falling into the puddles, and my own breathing and footfalls kept a nice, calm rhythm. I thought about how I could just run like this this ALL day.

And, that's when the idea of ultra marathons seemed to suddenly make sense. I had an epiphany of sorts.

It isn't just that the people who run ultra marathons love to run so much that want to run all day and night. No, obviously there is more to it than just that. At some point, the running is automatic: placing one foot in front of the other. But, the challenge is to keep themselves going when their bodies are telling them to stop. These special people have taught themselves to turn off that urge to quit, and find other things to make the experience worthwhile. I am sure that the factors that would make a 50-mile trail run doable vary from person to person, but nevertheless, there must be some common themes for everyone.

Yesterday, it finally clicked for me, "This is why they do it!" With the varied terrain of many trails, one has to be mindful in order to stay upright when it's muddy, rocky, or slippery. That is one of the things that keeps the long run interesting. The forest gives a sense of calm, and quiet but yet, there are always subtle noises if you are listening closely. And, undeniably, the beauty of the land, the fresh air, and the feeling of unleashed freedom help to keep people going for hours. And, hours. I would also surmise that the challenge of pushing to the limits of your own mental and physical abilities would be a huge factor.

These long races and runs aren't just about or for the sake of running, and running and running. It's also the environment of the race itself----the internal space of the runner's mind, AND the physical surroundings of the trails they run on.

My revelations yesterday made me feel inspired to go the distance.

And.Just.Keep.Going.

Sublimity

I posted before about a perfect sunrise run on New Year's and how it made me think about omens and ascribing meaning to the things we see.  This experience also reminded me how often I've had moments while running that I can only describe as transcendent, or sublime. When I think of something sublime, I think of an experience that defies description, something amazing that leaves us at a literal loss for words.  Sublimity is not a concept we can apply lightly.  I used the word "often," but that's misleading because I've only had a handful of these experiences in my entire life (and no, none of them were chemically enhanced). I can think of only four or five of them, and three happened while I was running. Since I've shared one, why not talk about a couple of others?

The first was during my longest race ever before I started considering myself a runner:  The Columbia Classic Moonlight Run in 2000.  This race started around sunset on the rim of the Columbia River Gorge and traveled down past Crown Point Multnomah Falls--15K in all.  The first three or four miles of the race are downhill, and I took them way too fast.  I actually felt great for that part (of course!) and was even chatting it up a bit with Melissa as we wound down to the flats.  I don't remember the exact mileage where I started hurting, but it wasn't long after we hit the literal bottom.  By that point it had gotten dark and, with no streetlights on the highway, the visibility was very poor.  Aside from Melissa running near me, I felt all alone and completely surrounded by darkness--this definitely contributed to my experience.

At some point after halfway, in despair of even finishing this race, I entered nirvana.  That's what I called it at the time, anyway.  All my pain and weariness seemed to float way and my mind simply shut off; I was absorbed into the night.  For lack of any other description, I was simply not there.  (In retrospect, nirvana was exactly the wrong term for this experience, as it was the antithesis of mindfulness.)

I don't remember this experience starting, nor do I know how long it lasted; I only remember suddenly snapping back to the reality of four miles left to run on chafing, exhausted legs and an aching stomach.  I had never wished more to go back in time than I did in the final miles of that race.  In all my running since the Columbia Classic, I haven't had that kind of dissociation.  I'd like to think it's because I'm more competitive with myself or more in-tune with my body and my running goals.  I don't really want to be completely mindless, however pain-free it is.

Another "sublime" moment also happened in the dark, but this time it was very early morning.  It was just another typical Saturday long run and I decided to go out to the Fanno Creek Trail.  I had to run down some well lit streets to get to the trail, so I didn't realize there was a full moon.  The first part of the trail goes through some thick forest behind a neighborhood, so again I couldn't see the sky well.  In fact, I don't remember even looking up until I had crossed through another very well lit area, over a footbridge, and into Greenway Park.

The sky opens up past that bridge, and when I crossed it and looked up, I nearly stopped running for lack of breath.  The full moon was right there, hanging so brightly over the trail in front of me, surrounded by silver scudding clouds.  The misty ground in this wetland area was also silver.  Everything was glowing silver.  It was the greatest painting of a moonlit night that no artist could ever create.  For moment, everything around me was absolutely perfect.  I forgot whatever had been on my mind.  I forgot the problems that were going on in my life, my struggles, my disappointments, my worries.  I wanted to stop running.  I wanted to just stand there on the trail and smile till the sun came up. 


All of this is leading up to a post about my motivations for running.  Unlike many runners, I haven't quite figured out exactly what those motivations might be, but MissMelissa's marathon certainly inspired me to explore them.  This post was definitely a start, but there is more to come.

Resurrected: Reflections on Running through Life

I wrote this piece about a year ago. Well, it was November 13, 2011, to be exact. I was so inspired, I just couldn't keep my thoughts in my head anymore. I had to write them down. I re-read this today, and can hardly believe how excited I am to run tomorrow.

For the last few weeks, or really since my week off after my first marathon in October, I have been less than inspired to run.  Really, my runs have not been very enjoyable.  They've been tiring, lack-luster, and somewhat boring. Frankly, my runs have been a chore.  They're just something else I HAVE to do, instead of something I WANT to do.  It was almost like doing the dishes, worse, it was like having to do the laundry. 

Yesterday, I had a great run, and everything just seemed to slip back into being "right" with the world. I am hopeful that it will continue.  This time of year is my favorite, and the beauty that I encountered yesterday was breathtaking. There was no ignoring the crisp air, gorgeous leaves, lovely fog dusting my face with dew.  I instantly knew why I am so drawn to running.  I like to race, but I really love to get out there.
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I often reflect on things that are going on in my life while I'm out running. Most of the time, it's just the everyday things...what to make for dinner this week, nice colors to paint the bedroom, trying to remember to sign up the kids for swimming lessons....
 
When I'm not checking off my 'to-do' list, one of the things I love most about running is just taking in the outdoors. I like examining each season for what it is: the warm sun on my arms and the roaming wildlife in the Summer; the blossoms on the trees and the smell of lilac in the Spring; Winter's blustery winds and sideways rain. I particularly like the Fall; the leaves turning beautiful shades of red, orange, and yellow. The early light showers of rain on my face and the smell of something new on the horizon. I've often said that you couldn't pay me to run on a treadmill---and it's never been more true than now.
 
I don't talk about running much to other people. Most folks just don't "get" it. And, really, I don't expect them to understand. It's a personal thing. More and more I have been thinking of running as a metaphor for life.
 
Running, like life, isn't always the same. Sometimes, my runs are smooth and easy and I get to a 'Zen-like' state where everything is working like it's supposed to. I have no worries. At times, when I am racing I feel like I have entered a different level of consciousness. I call it being on 'cruise mode', but really it's like dissociating from all things around me---the pain in my muscles, the other people nearby, the wind, the smell of the cars. EVERYTHING.

I have imagined that other people probably feel this way when they are in their particular 'zone', too...like artists, musicians, and even surgeons or computer programmers. It's a way of hyperfocusing on one thing---and everything else is quiet.
 
But, just like life, running isn't always rainbows and perfect smelling roses. Sometimes, I have to force myself out the door---like when I have a cold or feel like I only slept 15 minutes the night before. And, even when I feel pretty good---I don't LOVE every second. Like when I go to the track to run speed intervals. I know they make me faster and help me attain my PR goals, but I can't escape the feeling when I'm on the track that I'm like a dog on a 10 foot chain in the yard. In life, I don't like doing the dishes or vacuuming either, but I do like a clean house, so I do what it takes to get that done, too.
 


The shirt I bought last November. Sums it up nicely.

My running will never be perfect--but I love it. I recall going for a run on a blustery, COLD morning last winter, when it was 15 degrees. It was dark and windy. I had to wear to ski-type of hood, a scarf, and earmuffs to keep my face from freezing. Some people may have decided to use this sort of day as a rest day, but I was determined not to let ANYTHING, even the worst weather, stand between me and my run that day. And, it turned out to be one of most enjoyable runs to date---the fact that it was NOT perfect, made it an important part of my training.
 
That's the sort of determination and pushing the envelope that I think life requires of us. Certainly, there will be times when things are not ideal. Sometimes, the hand that you're dealt is unpleasant, but fold your cards and go home? I don't think so. You couldn't pay me to run on a treadmill in life either. Life is full of changes, and challenges--embrace them or fight them head on--don't stay inside and wait for them to go away.