Running and Parenting: Perfection, Failure and Finding Peace

Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it.” ~ Salvador Dali

Pretty much.

I'll start this blog entry with a story. Well, this story is 3^rd hand, so of course it's good. What story that's been retold more than once isn't fantastic, right? Ok, so my husband told me that he overheard my children talking to each other while they were in the kitchen making their lunches for the next school day.

As my son grabbed the handle on the refrigerator, he said, “Oh man. I hope Mom cleans this handle soon. It's really gross!”

 

My daughter replied, “Yeah, I know. I think you got peanut butter AND jelly on there this time.”

 

Heck, why not grab a piece of bread to rub on there and call it a sandwich? They want Mom to clean it because well, Mom cleans it. I love my children, but cleaning up after themselves doesn't come naturally. In fact, I think it barely occurs to them most of the time. My daughter likes to tell me that I want their rooms or playroom to be “PERFECT.” Nope. I just want things picked up enough that I don't break my neck on a wayward pencil while trying to let the dog out in the pitch black of the morning. I don't think my demands are unreasonable.

 

Over the years, I have had to let go of the idea of having the space that my kids inhabit clean or even neat. Um, not going to happen. Instead of driving my self insane, I now focus on smaller goals. They need to make their spaces reasonably decent once a week. It's somewhat agreeable for everyone now.

My children in their "natural habitat." The back door is just to the left.

 

 

If you don't like something, change it. If you can't change it, change your attitude. Don't complain. ~Maya Angelou

 

We tied a nice red bow on the ORRC 10K Series on Saturday. Yep. It's wrapped, folded and gently stowed until it starts again in January. I haven't quite decided if I will run the Series again next year, but you never know. I love everything about running 6.2 miles. Gimme shoes and a 10K starting line, and I'll say “yes!” every time. I love that race distance almost as much as I love coffee, and that's a love affair that will surely never come to an end. But, I am getting off topic.

 This year I finished the Series this year with a good, hard effort that brought me a new PR (41:51) which I hadn't seen since 2012. We won't talk about the not-so-awesome year that 2013 was, it's gone and dusted. And, like so many things in my life that I can't change, the past is one of them.

 

Finishing the Series made me come back to 2013 but just for a second as I was reflecting on how 2014 has unfolded. The first race of this series was awful. I ran Y2K very poorly for so many reasons: just coming back injury, out of shape, dressed too warmly, and trying to run a pace that was too aggressive given my lack of training. Boo-hoo! It sucked. But, I was determined to change all that.

 

This is how we enjoyed our ice baths this summer.

What did I do? I did a few things to get back to where I wanted to be fitness-wise (at that time I still had the Boston Marathon on the my to-do list). I started training with the ORRC Tuesday Night Workout group running intervals. What a difference! I noticed almost immediately that my fitness improved. I also read, “Racing Weight” and started implementing Matt Fitzgerald's nutritional advice. I focused a lot more on stretching, rolling, ice baths, and even yoga. In short, I started focusing on what I could do to make my running better.

I felt strong and capable for nearly all of the races this year. For 3 of the races, I ran nearly the exact same time within a few seconds. Huh? I guess I am consistent.  

 

Barely holding on: Greenway Trail Trial

Unfortunately, I had a really hard race at the Greenway Trail Trial (GTT). I put a lot of pressure on myself to try for PR, and my fitness wasn't really in the right place. I blew up with about 2 miles to go, and that made the last miles murder on my overextended legs, and torture for what felt like my weak mind. I was bummed since that was my home course. Shoot, I run on that trail at least a couple of times a week. I practically own that trail!! Jogging home that morning, my only consolation was that the course was short (only 5.9miles), so any PR would have been null and void.

About a week later, the fine people from the GTT sent me a plaque that said, “First Place Female.” How sweet of them! I think it's neat that they give out plaques to us amateur athletes. Ribbons are cool, too. But, the plaque didn't really make me feel any better about the crummy race.

You see, getting shiny plaques and colorful ribbons is not why I am out there. I started this journey to get better than the runner I was yesterday. I'm not there to win the race or get in the Top 3, Top 10, or Top 100. To be honest, I never have any expectations going into a race about what place I will take. It's nice to be able to compete and push hard with other people, but I when I'm racing I am thinking about me, not them. I can't control what other people are lining up on race day. I don't know what someone else has for a goal. I only know my goal.

I am seeing this theme more in my parenting life as well. I can't control what other people do or what their motivations are. I would like my kids to CLEAN the PLAYROOM much more often and more thoroughly than they do, but I have given up on trying to make that a priority for me because I can't control what they will (or won't, in this case) do.

“Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail.” ~Ralph Waldo Emerson

On Saturday, I was the 5^th place woman overall at the Best Dam Run. I was extraordinarily happy with my time (a PR!!), but also with my effort. I worked as hard as I could. Bad races like the Y2K and GTT are a part of the running landscape. Not ever race will be “amazing” like are you are running through a beautiful rainbow, all the while beating that mean leprechaun to the pot of gold. We've all had failures in life which were necessary in order for us to figure out a better way. I am grateful for the lessons that the bad races have shown me this year. Those poor performances have helped me become a better runner.

Fighting on the hill at The Best Dam Run.

I hope this works at some point for my children. While cleaning up may never be a big priority for them, I know that they have true ambitions that will be hard to attain. When we try hard to achieve something, but we miss the goal, we have to ask ourselves:

• Did I do my best?
• Do I have more to give next time?  
• What would I change to make it better next time?

We will never be perfect. We will fail. It's what we learn and how we move on that counts.