Staying close

Anyone in my family will tell you that I almost never have any trouble falling asleep or staying asleep. That is, of course, when I am sleeping in my own bed at home. My kids, Jude (9) and Maya (7) even know that they probably won't wake me up, unless they knock or talk loudly in my presence. The exception is that I generally don't sleep well at all when my husband is out of town. It takes me a long time to fall asleep, and then usually, I am in for a restless night. Good thing he rarely travels or I would be more of a zombie.

A few weeks ago, while my husband was gone for business, I was just about to drift off WAY past my usual bedtime, when I heard a little cry. I thought, "Is that Maya crying?" I hurried out of bed and to the stairs leading up to where my children have their bedrooms. The little crying started again and I quickly realized that it was Jude. I headed up to check on him. He said that he had a nightmare, and couldn't get back to sleep. 

"Do you want to talk about it?" I asked. 

"No" he said, "but can I come lay down with you for a little while?"

I said, "Sure." I thought,"Why not? It's not like I am going to sleep well anyway."

Jude came down with his favorite, very special stuffed dog, Lightning. I laid down on my side and he scooted himself close. There in the darkness, I felt a sense of calm, and of bliss. I was taking in the smell of his body wash from his recent shower, listening to him breathing quietly, and stroking his course hair. I felt completely in the present moment, and it was so comfortable to hold my son close---it was just like when he was 8 pounds, instead of 85.

If you know anything at all about 9 year-old boys, then, you know he was like a little furnace, and I was getting warm with him laying *right* next to me. I suggested, "Jude, you know you could slide over onto Daddy's side of the bed." He replied, "But I feel better laying right by you." 

That statement melted my heart, but it also it struck me. Jude rarely cuddles up with me at all anymore. I remember rocking him and holding him constantly when he was a baby. Sometimes, my arms would ache because I'd been holding him all day. As an infant, he would only sleep if he was right next to me or being held. He didn't outgrow this until he was 9 months old! Of course, through his toddler-hood and preschool years, he loved to cuddle up for bedtime stories, during movie night, and when he wasn't feeling good. These days, I have realized that although I give him little touches, and squeezes, he wasn't seeking much more than the occasional hug from me.

I am starting to wonder if cuddle time will become obsolete for me and my boy. As much as I hate the idea, I think maybe it's already started to go away. Even if cuddling goes away, I would like to think that he will trust me to comfort him forever when things aren't going well---when he's worried, scared or heartbroken. 

I know that contact is so important for us humans. And, it's not just the psychological aspect; there are brain chemicals released during hugs and cuddles. As a parent of children who appear to be “growing up” nearly daily, I think I may have to find ways to make sure our kids get contact we all need---even if they aren't seeking it. So, I think I will be more conscientious of making sure that we continue to be close throughout their growing years, teenage time, and into adulthood. These two kids are my special people and I want to make sure they always know it.